It's chickening. Is it having more chickens (in meal) than necessary or chewing on smoke that has rendered my brain try too hard to cope with the going? The gap! Losing bytes and bytes of memory, working piecewise and very seldom continuous. Poor brain..Weird, kasi pa'no ko hindi maaalalang may nakalimutan ako sa bagay o gawaing nasa sistema ko na? Someone just broke my heart with the breaking news kaya nagkakaganito 'ko. Hard to believe it came without the slightest hint. The back of my head must be dinged at least, don't you think?
It's so disappointing to the point, maton na ko ngayon. All charms lost for the moment. Sige na nga. Iisipin ko na lang 'di na naman ako deserving. Ouch. My confidence hurting every time.
So, palamig muna. Let me have some blended ice with the following ingredients:
(you may customize for me if you want)
1. BANANA CON BITTER MELON QUOTES:
*I love you not because of who you are but because of who I am when I am with you.
*Just because I don't love you the way you want me to doesn't mean I don't love you with all I have.
*The worst way to be missing someone, is to be sitting right beside him knowing you can't have him. (melon!)
*Never frown even when you are sad because you never know who is falling in love with your smile.
*To the world you may be one person, but to one person you may be the world.
(quite a booster? =])
2. MACAPUNO PARA SA'YO 'SUGARTOP':
AKO'Y LABIS NA NABIBIGHANI NG 'YONG KARIKTAN. Ipagpaumanhin mo kung 'di ko magawang tingnan ka ng tuwid, sa aking pagpipigil na madarang nang tuluyan. Ako'y masasaktan lamang 'pagkat 'di lingid sa 'king SA IBA ANG IYONG PAGTANGI.
3. NOSTALGIC NATA&KAONG OF THE PAST
Sabi ko raw sa journal nung January '07: I sadly remembered my old times with ******* and like how I could have had a dream come true if he felt the same way. I wish I were his rose. For if it were I whom he spent his time with.. if it were I whom he had learned to love, then I would be unique, set apart from all the other roses after his sight. But I guess I was just so naive at being capable of such an imagination. I had less of knowing how to acknowledge my heart's own weakness. Whatever thorns I got for defense wouldn't do any good against the hurt..of the truth that lay in ambush and was about to eat me alive. And it just did, after my prince left me. Torn to pieces by the imaginary monster that was truth..that we weren't meant to be. He knew so little about it because his own world is made of huge concerns everyone rarely minds having.
And so I'm not his rose, the one who is (goodness knows who), must be unique not only among the roses of the earth but the flowers of all the universe.. for it is she that my prince had tamed. For that, I've become just like all the other roses who may be beautiful but empty, because I'm not unique. Because I'm not his rose. -- inspired by 'The Little Prince' by Antoine de Saint Exupery
(Baloney! Wala lang. Just checking how much I've pulled myself back from here. Winks.)
4. UBE POEM BY ANNE SEXTON:
THE NUDE SWIM
On the southwest side of Capri
we found a little unknown grotto
where no people were and we
entered it completely
and let our bodies lose all
their loneliness.
All the fish in us
had escaped for a minute.
The real fish did not mind.
We did not disturb their personal life.
We calmly trailed over them
and under them, shedding
air bubbles, little white
balloons that drifted up
into the sun by the boat
where the Italian boatman slept
with his hat over his face.
Water so clear you could
read a book through it.
Water so buoyant you could
float on your elbow.
I lay on it as on a divan.
I lay on it just like
Matisse's Red Odalisque.
Water was my strange flower,
one must picture a woman
without a toga or a scarf
on a couch as deep as a tomb.
The walls of that grotto
were everycolor blue and
you said, "Look! Your eyes
are seacolor. Look! Your eyes
are skycolor." And my eyes
shut down as if they were
suddenly ashamed.
(both classic and dynamic; very timely for my summer mood)
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